Jan 142013
 
dose globules de 1 gramme

Contains 1 gramme of sugar (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well, how else can you describe it? Homeopaths in France are required to be qualified medical doctors and are therefore fully aware that what they’re punting is placebo.  Anyway, the ever-unreliable Debby Bruck, Canard-en-Chef to a legion of quacks, has Twatted forth to the world an appeal to save French homeopathy.  It’s… quite astonishingly brazen. They want to send this letter to President François Hollande.

Let us examine the fuckwittery with which they hope to bamboozle M. le Président. It’s short. I’ll translate as we go, starting with the introduction:

Les médecins homéopathes vous alertent sur la disparition programmée de vos remèdes homéopathiques. Suite à une directive européenne, 75% des remèdes homéopathiques deviennent indisponibles de fait sur le territoire français. La non-disponibilité de ces remèdes homéopathiques compromet la santé de nos concitoyens. France’s homeopathic doctors are warning you about the planned abolition of your homeopathic remedies. As the result of an European Directive, 75% of homeopathic remedies would become de facto unavailable in France. The non-availability of these homeopathic remedies would compromise our health as a nation.

I haven’t seen the directive and of course they don’t link to it – or even give a title or reference I can look up. Par for the course for homeopaths, naturally. We’ll take the claims at face value, even though in my experience they tend to exaggerate wildly in order to play the victim. So, a dearth of homeopathy would compromise the health of the nation? A bold claim indeed, and one that they would be hard put to provide evidence for, since it is no secret that homeopathy is merely a placebo.

Nous demandons la suppression de l’application de cette directive pour toute souche de dilution supérieure à 12CH. We are asking that this directive be suppressed for dilutions beyond 12CH.

12CH being the point beyond which there’s not a single molecule of the original ingredient left in the bottle. You can see what’s coming, can’t you? On to the petition proper. It’s no better written, I’m afraid.

Pétition pour la sauvegarde de la médecine homéopathique

A MONSIEUR FRANCOIS HOLLANDE,
Président de la REPUBLIQUE FRANCAISE

Monsieur le PRESIDENT,

L’homéopathie, médecine plébiscitée par plus de 70% des FRANÇAIS, est en grave danger !

Petition to save homeopathic medicine

To: M. François Hollande
President of the Republic of France

Mr President,

Homeopathy, a form of medicine popular with over 70% of FRENCH people, is in grave danger!

Firstly: it’s not medicine, so that’s a mendacious claim right from the start. Secondly: it’s ye olde Argument From Popularity fallacy, this time unsubtly employed to imply VOTES!!! are at risk. I do not think they can provide good evidence for that 70%. Perhaps half of that number use homeopathy, knowingly or unknowingly (since pharmacists frequently won’t tell you that’s what they’re pushing as OTC cold relief), and far fewer would subscribe to the bullshit if they actually knew what it was.

L’application de règlements européens aboutit à demander, pour des raisons de traçabilité, des sommes très importantes pour l’enregistrement de chaque souche homéopathique. Or, il existe plus de 5 000 souches répertoriées par la communauté médicale homéopathique internationale. Pour des raisons économiques évidentes, nos fournisseurs de préparations homéopathiques français ne peuvent plus proposer que 1 000 souches environ. En quelque mois, 75% de nos remèdes sont devenus introuvables en France et pourtant ils sont indispensables pour soigner de nombreux malades ! The application of European regulations would require, for traceability reasons, large amounts of money to register every single homeopathic stock. There are more than 5,000 stocks listed by the international homeopathic medical community. For obvious economic reasons, our suppliers of homeopathic preparations for the French market can no longer offer more than about 1,000 stocks. Within the space of a few months, 75% of our remedies will be unobtainable in France, in spite of the fact that they are indispensable for treating a large number of patients!

Yeeees. I’ll let the blatant invention of “homeopathic medical community” pass relatively unscathed, pausing only to remind you that the vast majority of homeopaths are not medically trained in any way. It’s the claim in the last line that gobsmacks me or, as the the French so elegantly put it, “me laisse sur le cul”. Homeopathy “indispensable” for treating many sick people? What the ever-lovin’ fuck? Whichever way you look at it, it’s a barefaced lie. Either they know homeopathy is bollocks (which they do: in France practising homeopaths have to have a medical degree), or they know that the only people that can be successfully “treated” with it aren’t, in fact, ill.

In other words: it’s all about squeezing money out of the gullible while encouraging their hypochondria. Nearly 400 years after the great French playwright Molière wrote his scathing attack on charlatanry, Le Malade Imaginaire, these bastards are still fleecing the public.

Or, selon le nombre d’AVOGADRO, aucune molécule du produit initial ne se retrouve dans les dilutions homéopathiques à partir de la 12CH : seule persiste l’information apportée par la souche et transmise au milieu hydro alcoolique : la sécurité de ces dilutions est sans contestation possible. Yet, according to Avogadro’s constant, not a single molecule of the initial product remains in dilutions beyound 12CH; there only remains the information provided by the stock transmitted via the hydro-alcoholic solvent. There is no doubt as to the safety of these preparations.

Your correspondant continues gobsmacked. Yes, they have just said in as many words that there’s nothing in their potions. They have also made a totally false and unevidenced claim that the treatment is transmitted by magic from the ingredient to the water, (so, I suppose we are meant to deduce, it works) BUT IT’S ALL SAFE!!! because there’s nothing in it.  Presumably this is the well-known selective memory of H2O, remembering only what the homeopaths want and none of the rest. Gibbering fuckwittery on a bed of seething mendacity.

Nous vous demandons de DECRETER en URGENCE l’autorisation pour tout préparatoire homéopathique habilité sur le territoire français, de délivrer sans frais, l’autorisation de mise sur le marché de l’intégralité des souches homéopathiques mondialement reconnues à partir de la douzième dilution centésimale hahnemannienne, y compris les souches anciennes, ainsi que la possibilité de réaliser des préparations isopathiques à partir de prélèvements biologiques. We are asking you to issue an URGENT DECREE authorising all those qualified to prepare homeopathic remedies to deliver free of charge, authorising sale of all internationally recognised bases for homeopathic remedies starting from 12CH, including the older stocks, as well as the possibility to prepare isopathic mixtures using biological samples.

Yes, that does read like gobbledygook even in French. Basically they want to be able to sell the same shit as before and this is URGENT!!! Although for whom it would be urgent, apart from the charlatans who flog this pseudoscientific crap to the unsuspecting, I do not know. They then have the brass balls to drag medical ethics into the whole stinking mess:

%d bloggers like this: