Shall we start the month with a real humdinger of a loonsite? This lot, at Lightworkerschool.com, almost make the basic reiki crowd sound normal, but only because they sprinkle a bit of pre-apocalypse topping on your spirit guide waffle:
Are you being called to assist?
More and more people are experiencing ‘angel’ encounters and are relaying stories of how angels have appeared to them and/or helped them out of a situation. Angels are flocking to the planet, during these times of huge changes, and are making themselves readily available to everyone who calls upon them. The angels want to heal us from our challenges and to instil peace and love into our hearts, so that we can focus on our own life purpose. The angels wait patiently in the background waiting for us to ask for guidance and advice, to gently and lovingly lead us the right way…
Now, it may come as news to you that angels are all over the damn place – they probably don’t look a bit like Ben Affleck or Matt Damon – and setting up counselling services for the human race. I mean, it’s not as if beings of indeterminate gender with huge bloody wings and a tendency to glow with a sacred light wouldn’t stand out in a crowd. However, that is what these doughballs seem to think. I say “seem”, because with this sort of belief it’s always struck me as odd that, in order to experience these beings, you need to get special tuition from the enlightened. Did they sack Gabriel, the Bible’s resident OB/GYN, for malpractice? Some of those pregnancies were a little suspect, I must say. Has Metatron been outsourced? Did Michael retire in order to concentrate on selling that world-famous brand of cotton knickers?
But far be it from me to suggest that somebody started this with the sole idea of bamboozling the oranges – beg pardon: gullible, Twitter is especially surreal tonight – into ponying up for a course in talking to invisible, imaginary beings. And I certainly would never dream of implying that an ancient and highly-respected UK educational institution would hire out premises to accommodate the purveying of this batshittery…
Oh fuck it, I’m not fooling anyone, am I? Here’s the blurb that made me angry. Yes angry: after years of tireless campaigning by people possessed of both ethics and a brain, UK universities are shutting down their courses in pseudoscience, but shite like this is still seeping under the door. Oxford University may not be providing this ‘course’ but, by allowing their premises to be used, they are implicitly endorsing it.
The text includes a couple of extra links I found. Be warned, there is a huge amount of WTF lurking behind them. Unless your mind is trained to deal with whackjobbery of interstellar proportions, please ensure your lifeline is secure and your seatbelt attached before clicking. This will ensure your survival even if you black out temporarily from the G-forces they exert. ‘G’ as in ‘gormless’ and ‘gibbering’, that is.
Certificated Angel Energy Practitioner (AEP) Weekend
31st March – 1st April 2012
Oxford University, UK
This course is suitable if you are looking to make a connection and work with the angels and/or feel you are here to make a difference. You will learn how to communicate with the angels, plus enhance your intuition and natural healing abilities so that you can work with the angels to help yourself and others as a professional certificated Angel Energy Practitioner.
Led by world-renowned Angel Energy teacher Flavia Kate Peters, “during the Angel Energy Practioner weekend we will first work on removing and healing any blockages, in any form, you may have. You will then learn how to receive and recognise guidance and messages from your angels, as well as to learn how to work with angel energy to give healings for yourself and others.”
This course leads to a professional certification of Angel Energy Practitioner – so you can work as an AEP once qualified (see below for more details) – and is also suitable for those who wish to use the information given for personal use.
Flavia Kate Peters believes in angels, unicorns, mermaids and fairies (which she spells ‘faeries’, obviously). She offers attunements to all these mythical beings, plus reiki, crystals and really bad drawings. You’re going to love the course contents:
- Learn how to give angel readings
- Discover different ways you can easily receive the angels’ messages
- Angel healing methods
- Chakra clearing (sounds like a laxative)
- Psychic block clearing (is this ethereal plumbing?)
- Etheric cord cutting
- Psychic attack removal (some form of exorcism?)
- Psychic protection and shielding
- Room clearing and cleansing (probably exorcism again, rather than psychic housework. Pity, I need a cleaner who can fly high enough to get at the cobwebs)
- Channelling and automatic writing
- Learn about Archangels, elemental realms (faeries, unicorns etc) and how to connect with them (sounds like a twee role-playing game)
- Discover which ‘Realm’ you are from (pass the D10, would you, dear?)
And much more, including tips and guidance on how to start and run your own successful Angel Energy Practice.
You read that last bit right: after only two days’ instruction and after parting with four hundred quid, you can start your own business. It’s another of those MLM Enlightenment schemes. Even more worrying, initiates are referred to as Ascended Masters, among other titles. Can we say “cult”? I suspect we can.
I can only deduce from all this howling fuckwittery that either God does not exist, or else he doesn’t give a flying fart about an insignificant blue dot lost amid the yawning, dusty reaches of the Universe, because if that isn’t begging to be struck down with a thunderbolt I don’t know what is.
I found a few other sites (see below) that look like they’re peddling the same bollocks. If you examine them closely, you may spot the Get Rich Quick scheme. Me, I’m off to ask the angels if they can’t reroute a cosmic bus to take all these loonies away before they start screwing up any more lives.
Related articles from Fantasy Land
- To The Awakened. (messagesfromtheangels.wordpress.com)
- Angels, please guide me along my path… | RenamixTech (angelicwords.wordpress.com)
- RE: answering your question (angelladytm.wordpress.com)
- ♥Angelic Guidance Readings & Divine Light Blessing Healing♥ (angelslightworldwide.com)
- 2012-06-15 Divine messages | Angelic Words (angelicwords.wordpress.com)