Jun 072013
 
Mary Poppins (character)

Mary Poppins (character) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Life continues to be stranger than any fiction you could get a worthwhile publisher to accept. The delusional nutters extraordinaire that froth impotently at reality under the collective moniker of H:MC21 are at it again. You see, they get their arses kicked on a regular basis by the Advertising Standards Authority, a body which was set up to be “the UK’s independent regulator of advertising across all media”, funded “by advertisers through an arm’s length arrangement that guarantees the ASA’s independence”. Bear this in mind; it’s quite important. WTFometers at the ready? Let’s go.

H:MC21 are notorious for making outlandish, sometimes potentially dangerous, claims for the festering relict of 18th century ignorance that is homeopathy. Their name stands for “Homeopathy: Medicine for the 21st Century”, which only gets past the ASA – or indeed any organisation anywhere in the world charged with ensuring advertising claims comply with some variant on “legal, decent honest and truthful” – by a legal loophole that homeopaths have lobbied shamelessly for themselves over the years. Homeopathy is not medicine, was never medicine, can never be medicine. At best, it’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down, as Julie Andrews once warbled. At worst, it’s water and sugar for real ailments: child abuse, animal abuse and manslaughter. Or, in some cases where the homeopath has tried to treat his or her own major illness with homeopathy: Suicide by Extreme Fuckwittery.

Anyway. H:MC21. They like to portray themselves as some kind of Saviour of Humanity, battling against insuperable odds to bring Truth, Freedom and – wait for it – Knowledge to the masses:

H:MC21 is a charity established to counter the unfounded propaganda against homeopathy by informing the public of the facts about homeopathy and its historical and scientific relationship to orthodox medicine.

It will do this through research, publication and campaigning.

I’ll give them this: they publish (leaflets) and campaign quite a bit. Politics? Yes. Testimonials? Yes. Dismayed rants at health authorities defunding little sugar pills? Oh yes. Denigrating anybody who points out that there is neither any evidence that homeopathy works, nor any likelihood that it ever will? All over the bloody place. Actual research? Square root of fuck all diluted to 200C (insert usual tired old joke about how the less evidence homeopaths present, the more overwhelming it is, if you must). However, given how copiously they shit on real research (the RCT may not be perfect, but it’s far and away the best method for researching drug effectiveness and safety), it would be so glaringly hypocritical of them to actually present any real science themselves that even other homeopaths might spot that as an example of genuine cognitive dissidence.

So, what are these reality-challenged dickwits moaning about now? Well, they seem unhappy to have been caught out making illegal claims on their website and/or pamphlets, and not for the first time – or even the second. So they’ve decided to go picket the ASA, the watchdog set up to ensure that advertising in the UK is “legal, decent, honest and truthful”. I’ll leave it to you to work out which parts of that H:MC21 regularly infringes.

We believe that the H:MC21 case provides categorical evidence that the ASA is not abiding by the requirement to base its decisions on “the available scientific knowledge” (CAP Code 12.1), but is making decisions on the basis of an ideological position that the only valid evidence in medicine is evidence of efficacy derived from randomised controlled trials (RCTs). This position is not only in contradiction to scientific knowledge, in contradiction to the paradigm of evidence based medicine (EBM) and in contradiction to good medical practice, but its endorsement is hazardous to public health.

This from a bunch of loons who do not, at any point, provide the slightest shred of evidence that their claims conform to the legal requirement of – I’ll repeat this again – “Legal, decent, honest and truthful”. They do provide lots of gibberish on miasms and the mythical vital force though. It will be interesting to see how they provide solid evidence that RCTs are unscientific and contrary to EBM as well as good medical practice. The SO has unfortunately forbidden popcorn over the next few months for reasons of excessive tum on my part, but I look forward to the live-tweeting of this loonfest if ever it gets to a court of law.

Furthermore, we believe that the investigation provides categorical evidence that the ASA regards unsupported opinions which accord with its ideological position  to be of greater weight than demonstrable facts which do not.

“Demonstrable facts” – comedy gold, I tell you. They can believe what they like, but they’d have more luck buying fried pork wings in barbecue sauce from the local supermarket than providing the least evidence for that claim. It gets better – or worse. Whatever.

H:MC21 is also profoundly concerned at the impact the ASA can have on patient choice. During the last two-and-a-half years the ASA has increased the scope of its work to include information published on websites. Interest groups opposed to homeopathy and other CAM therapies have seized on this as an opportunity to restrict and even deny the public access to information about alternatives to conventional medicine by making complaints about advertisements and websites to the ASA.

Reading between the lines, what these morons are saying – in almost as many words – is: “We want to be able to say what we want to people with no fear of the consequences because otherwise they won’t buy anything from us”. Which, funnily enough, is exactly what the ASA was set up to put a stop to. There is, of course, an alternative to conventional medicine. It’s called “no medicine at all”.  There is no reason why the taxpayer should fund fake treatments with no proven benefits.

In this context, it is essential that the ASA should not be allowed to simply adopt the ideological position of these interest groups, but should base its decisions on “the available scientific knowledge”.

This is too fucking delicious for words. Available scientific knowledge says that homeopathy is complete bollocks, closer to magic than anything else. Now then, want to know why they’ve decided to start a war against the ASA? The next sentence gives it away: they are shitting themselves.

We are calling these protests at this time because the ASA’s investigation of an H:MC21 advert over the last two-and-a-half years is about to reach its conclusion, and we believe we must challenge the likely decision as powerfully as possible in order to prevent it being used by the ASA as a precedent for deciding future cases. We know that the ASA has already used as a precedent a case in which they made a wrong decision.

Yes, you read that right: they’re protesting against a decision they haven’t been notified of yet.

H:MC21 trustees feel so strongly about this issue that they are taking legal advice on challenging the ASA decision at a judicial review.

I wonder what the legal advice will be? Probably “Don’t be so fucking stupid, you’ve haven’t a leg to stand on” if they get a reputable barrister. Otherwise  it would boil down to: “Pay me lots of money and we’ll sue. You’ll lose anyway, but I fancy buying myself a flat in a fancy ski resort”. Such is the power of self-delusion that they probably will keep paying for barristers’ opinions until they get one prepared to say the latter.

In the meantime, if you want to see these dangers to public health and finance in the (probably) unvaccinated flesh, the programme for the upcoming show is:

a protest outside the Advertising Standards Authority, Mid City Place,
71 High Holborn, London WC1V 6QT from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m

followed by

a lobby of Parliament from 2.30 to 4.30 p.m.

With a bit of luck, you’ll be able to recognise professional clowns like David “Phases of the Moon” Tredinnick MP during the afternoon display of Synchronised Stupidity.

Now then, as part of this determined assault against the impregnable fortress of reality, our heroes researched a dictionary and published this little gem of a letter to send to your local MP. I feel it could be improved on. Here is my suggested version.

Dear [MP’s name]

I am a supporter of the lobby group Homeopathy: Medicine for the 21st Century, which is dedicated to lying to people about homeopathy.

Since the end of 2010 it has been dealing with an investigation by the Advertising Standards Authority and I am concerned at the approach the ASA has taken in this case, since I believe that it is basing its decisions on “the available scientific knowledge” (CAP Code 12.1). Furthermore, I consider the ASA’s approach to be dangerous to the wealth of homeopaths.

For example, the ASA is claiming that the only reliable information is from randomised controlled trials (RCTs), and 100% of RCTs of homeopathy show it to be no better than placebo. The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) operates a ‘yellow card scheme’ to monitor problems with drugs, precisely because RCTs are not 100% reliable and the effects of drugs in the real world may be very different. This safeguard does not even exist for homeopathy.

The ASA is also claiming that testimonials are not valid, but that is all we have for the efficacity of homeopathy. We like to claim that it’s the same thing as the supposed 85% of the information required for diagnosis that comes from the patient’s report about their symptoms. Again, the MHRA collects Yellow Card reports from anyone from the UK, not just doctors, but also patients, because “these are used to identify side effects and other problems which might not have been known about before. If a new side effect is found, the MHRA will review the way that the medicine can be used, and the warnings that are given to people taking it to minimise risk and maximise benefit to the patient.” This is a very important issue, as people can die because they are not listened to when describing their symptoms. Again, this does not exist among homeopaths.

There is also the issue of patient choice. If members of the public are denied access to misinformation about  homeopathy’s effectiveness in adverts because the ASA will only permit the use of scientific evidence of efficacy, then homeopaths are being denied the right to lead patients into making uninformed decisions about their own healthcare.

I would like to see this issue raised in Parliament, since no private company set up to regulate advertising should have the power to tell us we cannot promote placebos as a whole sector of medicine. If it proves necessary, H:MC21 would like to see an investigation into the conduct of the ASA on this issue, not least because it appears to be part of a systematic campaign to stifle and eliminate the practice of mis-selling homeopathy through making fantastical claims in the UK

H:MC21 has called a protest outside the ASA and a lobby of Parliament on Tuesday 25 June. I would like to make an appointment to meet you and tell you and your advisors porkies on behalf of H:MC21.

Yours sincerely

 

 

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Apr 292013
 
Smurf's Up, Part II: Argyria Sounds Like A Nice Name For A Girl

In today’s exciting episode  we return to the wonderful world of seattleorganicrestaurants.com, that seething cauldron of quackwittery thinly concealed under an ill-spelt veneer of New Age dietary advice. Said advice consists mostly of eating uncooked organic wholefoods and drinking raw smoothies til your tastebuds wither away and die horribly. Today we will attend to the more dangerous advice. Lurking in the submenus we find an alleged testimonial by a cancer survivor calling herself “Suzanne”, who seems to think an extreme New Age diet and colloidal platinum really helped her get over cancer and the effects of chemotherapy. Yes, colloidal platinum. She took colloidal platinum because her chemotherapy was platinum-based, as she understood it. Only a homeopath would suggest taking more platinum would help get over the side-effects of platinum-based chemo, but there you go. We’d already established that the people who infest this site live in airy-fairy land. It gets rather less airy-fairy when you read to the end of the testimonial and see all the “No money changed hands” blurb. It’ doesn’t take an idiot to spot that this means someone is trying to sell you something. It is, in fact, a barely disguised advert for snake oil sellers and fuckwits extraordinaire PurestColloids.com, purveyors of pointless potions to the masses: colloidal silver, platinum, gold and copper. Smack in the middle of the page we get this: Er, yeah, sure silver compounds are still sometimes used for their antibacterial properties, but topically. In dressings. Not in a drink. The metals your metabolism does need are already supplied in plentiful sufficiency in appropriate form by a balanced diet, while silver and platinum don’t belong in the body at all.  And yes, they’re toxic at high enough concentrations. Tell you what, let’s let Orac explain: colloidal silver is so bad that only the most deluded devotees of “alternative” medicine believe it to be anything but risk without benefit. Even most naturopaths eschew it. Still, quacks keep touting this stuff. The rationale usually given to is a classic case of making an unjustified leap to a conclusion based on inappropriate use of data. Just because colloidal silver inhibits bacterial and fungal growth in cell culture does not mean that drinking colloidal silver suspensions will fight infection in the body. What’s so bad about colloidal silver? Well, the first really bad side effect of consuming this pointless nostrum is that it will turn you blue. Like a smurf or a comic-book supervillain. The condition is called argyria and it looks like this: And it’s irreversible. Once it’s absorbed into the body, silver stays there. There are other possible side effects of drinking the stuff, but that’s the most common and visible one – which you’ll be stuck with for the rest of your life. No, it’s not a trade-off against amazing health benefits. There are none. That’s why colloidal silver is no longer used in medicine. Not of course that this stops the reality-challenged doughballs behind this site dedicating an entire page to lauding the

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Apr 222013
 
Chiropractic stick massage - who needs stones to break your bones?

Random searches can be terrifying. You never know what will float to the top, although it’s rarely the cream. On Twitter, you can be 100% certain of unearthing extreme fuckwittery within the first 20 results, even for the most anodyne of search terms. Just now, “chiro” produced… this. It’s in French, with reasonably good English subtitles, although they rather prudishly translate bite (cock) as penis. Make sure your jaw is well attached as it will probably drop to the ground within seconds and remain there for the duration. I’m pretty tough, but that? No fucking way, Jimmy. I suspect it’s also pretty dangerous, especially as the nutter with the sharp sticks is concentrating on the spine and base of the skull. One slip of a point on all that oil and I reckon you’re lucky if the customer is merely paralysed. My WTFometer maxed out as soon as the sticks appeared, well before the babble got to the vitalistic lunacy about points in the body being linked to specific emotions, and when he gave us to understand that some of the points hit were erogenous zones I reached for the mind bleach and emptied the bottle. Yes, it was just afterwards that they mentioned that someone had a sword on his dick. My legs remain firmly crossed. File under “what the ever-lovin’ fuck”, “dangerous scam” and “pass me the bo, I’ll fucking show ‘em how dangerous sticks can be”. Related articles Beware the spinal spin (zenosblog.com)

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